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Some random thoughts from my college days

I find myself gazing out of my window, consumed by a flood of unanswered “why” questions. Preferring solitude over crowds and silence over noise, I’m someone who cherishes the solace of a lone space and finds solace in the rhythms of life through music. Despite my chattiness, I don’t neatly fit into the boxes of introvert or extrovert; I am blend of both, a complexity that even I struggle to comprehend at times. The torrential downpour in Samtse might not appeal to everyone, but for me, it’s an opportunity to retreat to my room with a steaming cup of coffee and immerse myself in the melody of good music, an experience that fills me with contentment.

Each night, I meticulously plan out the task for the following day, only to find myself squandering hours in front of a screen, eventually succumbing to sleep. When tutors pose questions, I craft elaborate answers in my mind, but they often remain confined to my thoughts. Despite my readiness to embark on various endeavors, I often find myself paralyzed by a lack of self-acceptance and confidence, rendering my efforts futile. At times, I teeter on the brink of an identity crisis, unable to reconcile the person I was mere moments ago with the individual I am now. While my struggles with self-insecurity may seem abstract, they weigh heavily on my mind, prompting a relentless search for answers.

My eyes grow heavy with sleep, yet my mind remains wide awake –why is this? Are my self-insecurities to blame or am I simply abnormal? Questions continue to flood my thoughts day and night, yet answers elude me. In my quest for understanding, I seek solace in nature, hoping to find clarity amidst the chaos of my mind. While my current struggles may pale in comparison to the hardships faced by others—those who are underprivileged, deprived of opportunities, or lack in self-awareness, I am filled with gratitude for the blessings in my life. I can only hope that this gratitude serves as a beacon of light, guiding me towards a path of peace and sanity.