Some people are blessings, some are lesson

 Some people come into our lives as blessings, and some come as lessons. I don’t know what I mean to others or how others see me, but for me, there are a few people whom I feel so lucky to have met, even though I may not have been able to do anything good for them.

There are also people whom I wish I had never met. If I am ever the person someone wishes they had never crossed paths with, my sincere apologies go to them. Because, of course, there was a time when I was at my absolute worst. There was a time when I was selfish and didn’t know how to distinguish between what was right and what was wrong.

As I grow older and the days pass like any other ordinary days, I find myself wishing to do good for people, be kind to them, be helpful, and, at the very least, be harmless. I get hurt, I gossip, and I say bad things sometimes, but at the end of the day, I genuinely wish everyone well.

Sometimes, I introspect and realize that I have talked too much, especially about someone, and I instantly regret it. On the other hand, I console myself by thinking that I only said what was true, that I spoke about how their behaviour had hurt me, and that perhaps I simply didn’t have the courage to confront them directly because I prefer peace at any cost.

I know that gossiping is wrong, and I do it more than I should. Sometimes, I talk about others just so I can feel at ease. I am working on it, and I hope that one day I won’t need to talk about people anymore. I will still write about the things that hurt me, the things I feel are not right, the things I struggle to accept, and the things I know I need to change in myself.

The person I am today is far better than the person I used to be, and I am grateful for that. I have never reached a point where I feel that I am enough. I always feel the need to improve, change, and become better every single day.

If somebody criticizes me and they are somehow right about it, I may not accept it gladly, but I will definitely work on it.

Sometimes, I feel as though I have fallen into a deep abyss and that it is difficult to find my way back to the person I truly wish to be. I have promised myself countless times that I would do better, yet I have failed at many points in life. I have committed myself to being the best version of myself, only to somehow lose control at certain moments. I have told myself to communicate better, only to find myself speaking rudely.

Every night, as I lay my head on my pillow, thousands of thoughts come running through my mind. Sometimes, they drain me completely.

Nevertheless, at the end of the day, I am also just an individual trying to survive this difficult world. Trying to be better. Trying to be helpful. Trying to be kind in every possible way.

And perhaps that is enough for today.