The illusion of when I get there

The life I am having now feels like a fast-forward version of everything that has happened in between.

I thought maybe I should complete my studies, and then there would be something waiting for me. Life went on, grade by grade. I never failed a single grade and eventually graduated feeling fulfilled.

But nothing really changed after graduation. The contentment remained the same. I thought life would be better and easier once I got a job. Imagine a life where you go to the office from 9 to 5 and get your salary credited at the end of every month. Fancy, right? I imagined the same too.

People come to you with respect because of the role you hold. You get to meet and deal with so many different people, and yes, at some point, life did feel convenient. Yet, the contentment remained the same. There was never enough happiness in the job to make me feel fulfilled. Life somehow remained as it was from day one. Of course, there were some twists and turns along the way, but everything still felt like living the same day over and over again.

Now, my life pretty much runs between getting late, showing up at programmes, rushing to the office, getting the day's work done, receiving calls from unknown people, and sometimes getting scolded by people I have never even seen. It includes the criticism and praise I receive from those above me, feeling low at certain points, gossiping with my workmates like never before, getting irritated with the people around me, and learning something from every opportunity that comes my way.

Today, I was in a rush to get to a meeting, and time seemed to pass incredibly fast. There were times when I had to wait for so long, and somehow, time moved like a tortoise. Time teaches us a lot.

For me, the constant rushing has made me more easily irritated. I am more likely to talk back and find myself angrier than usual. When I am waiting, I run out of patience easily and get annoyed at having to spend my time doing nothing.

But today, as I rushed towards the meeting venue, I stayed calm. I chose to think only about the good things and avoided thinking about being late. We often talk about mindfulness, but I think it is especially important in moments like these.

Had I spent the entire journey thinking about getting late, I would probably have arrived angry and frustrated. And in every sense, anger does not make anything better.

Maybe life is not always about reaching the next milestone and expecting it to change everything. Maybe it is about learning to be present in whatever stage we are in. We keep waiting for life to become better after the next achievement, the next job, the next salary, or the next big change.

But perhaps, somewhere along the way, we need to stop rushing towards the next thing and learn to appreciate where we already are.