Tomorrow, it is

 Time goes on as if it has a deadline to meet. It goes on like a perfect plan moving so smoothly. I know life is also moving forward with time but I feel like I am stuck at a point in my life. At a point where I am in a dilemma which route to take. Which color to choose and which work to complete first. In the midst of so much pending works, I chose procrastination. I have been telling myself, from tomorrow for the longest time. 

There is work from my workplace, the work of my family and work of my own and for many reasons, it is draining me so much. Sometimes, I feel like there is time, sometimes, I feel like I am running out of time and many a time I am just drained. 

I am trying to figure everything out bit by bit but somewhere in between, I really question my worth. Am I really worthy of everything life is throwing at  me? I don't know what God has planned for me but at this point, I really need a push to move with the flow because there is no moving with the flow right now, I feel like I am literally stuck. I don't know if I should be waking up at 5 am to run and lose my weight or if I need to be a little better playmate with my tt, or if I should be a little proactive to read the book that I have started a month ago or if I should go somewhere quiet where I can complete all the pending works or if I should go meet genie to wish for a miracle and the list goes on but not just my life. 

So many things happen in our life and we live every day with a smile on our face deceiving everybody into thinking that we have the perfect life. For me, I started believing in the fact that everyone has our own sour and we are going through something which we are dealing it quietly while breaking down silently. 

I have been eating like it is my last day on Earth, replying to people like I have been waiting for their message for eternity, scrolling through feeds switching from one app to another like there is something going on and at the end of the day there is a sore in the heart wanting to do better FROM TOMORROW. 

My age isn't that old, but my face literally is not young anymore and I have been forgetting things like I a in my old age era. Sitting on a couch, I have been thinking about life, over and over again but there really is no way out. On top of everything, I was born with zero skills. There are people who are interested in science, arts or commerce. They have a passion in life, they have a plan on what to do with their life. I took commerce, I don't know why. I look back and thought about the choice I made, it was just an ego not to land up in the worst category but there is no interest, no passion or no nothing. I have been choosing whatever is on my way. 

I have come a long way and I have been thinking if I had chosen a slightly different life but no, there really is no answer because nobody forced me into this path. I have so many plans which remained unchecked for the longest time and I don't know if my life unfolds differently if I start waking up at 5 am to change my life.