Raising Children in the Age of Smartphones.

What I Learned from The Anxious Generation

I have always been the kind of person who rarely buys books. During college, I hardly ever purchased books or borrowed them directly from the library. Instead, I would read the books my friends had bought or borrowed. Perhaps, I was simply used to finding books through people around me rather than investing in them myself. Recently, however, I decided to change that habit. I thought I should invest a little in myself and buy some good books that I could read at my own pace. 

One day, I went to a bookstore alone,  looking around and wondering which book I should buy. I had no particular title in mind. Then I came across The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. Something about the cover immediately caught my attention. I became curious about what the book was about and felt an urge to read it.

I paid a good amount of money for the book, hoping that it would teach me something meaningful or perhaps even inspire some changes in my own life. What I did not expect was how deeply it would make me reflect on my role as a mother.

When I first bought The Anxious Generation, I never imagined that it would resonate with me so much as a parent. As I read it page by page and chapter by chapter, many of the ideas made me stop and think about my own child. My son is not yet two years old, yet, he is already exposed to youtube videos on phones and televisions. 

My son watches television, and whenever he gets the opportunity, he becomes completely absorbed in the screen. I began asking myself how often I had allowed this to happen simply because it made things easier for me.

I also have my niece and nephew around me. They spend a significant amount of their time on screens, and watching them made me reflect even more deeply on the issue.

I know I am not the only parent or caregiver struggling with this. Screens have become such a normal part of childhood that limiting them can be extremely difficult. Phones and tablets can keep children occupied, especially when adults are busy with work, household responsibilities, or other commitments.

But the book made me question if it is really okay to let our children sink into the screens. 

As a Gen Z myself, I grew up very differently from many children today. I was born and raised in the countryside, where entertainment did not come from a screen. We played with our friends, ran around outside, played in the mud and sand, and found our own ways to have fun. I did not get my first smartphone until I completed Class 12. By that time, I was already an adult.

That childhood feels very different from what I see around me today.

Children now have access to smartphones, YouTube, television, games, and social media from a very young age. Technology has certainly brought many positive changes to our lives, but I believe we also need to think carefully about what happens when screens become a child's primary source of entertainment, comfort, or stimulation.

One of the biggest reasons this book affected me personally was because I could see some of these concerns within my own family.

But as I watched him grow, I noticed that he had some difficulties with communication and expressing himself fluently. He also sometimes struggled to understand and interpret what we were saying to him. These observations made our family concerned, and we often wondered why he was developing differently from other children his age.

We considered many possible reasons, but at the time, we did not pay much attention to how much time he had spent watching videos and using a phone from such a young age. Looking back, I began to wonder whether his early exposure to screens could have been one factor worth considering.

I want to be careful, however, not to assume that screen exposure was the cause. Children develop at different rates, and developmental differences can have many possible causes. I am not an expert, and my experience with my nephew cannot prove a connection between screen time and his communication difficulties. What it did teach me is that screen habits are something parents and caregivers should be aware of and think carefully about.

I have seen something similar happen with my niece.

When she first came to stay with me, she was always interested in playing with her brother. She would try to take the phone away from him or even hide under the blankets while playing. But gradually, she became interested in screens herself.

Now, she can spend hours watching videos. She is still very young, and seeing how quickly her habits changed made me realize how easily children can become accustomed to screens. That is what worries me the most. Getting a child interested in a screen can happen within a very short time. Once the habit is established, taking the screen away can become a struggle.

My son is not even two years old, yet he already recognizes certain sounds from children's videos. When he hears the sound of Cocomelon, he immediately becomes interested.

If he is given a phone, he can sit and watch videos without blinking for long periods.

Before reading The Anxious Generation, I did not think too deeply about it. I never gave him a phone as his own device, but I sometimes allowed him to watch YouTube videos so that I could get ready for work or finish something I needed to do.

After reading the book, I decided that I should stop giving him my phone for entertainment. I am trying to create a different environment for him, one where playing, exploring, interacting with people, and being curious about the world around him are more important than watching a screen.

But the issue is I am also someone who spends a lot of time on my phone. Children learn not only from what we tell them but also from what they see us doing. It is difficult to teach a child to stay away from screens when the adults around them are constantly looking at their own phones.

So, in some ways, this book has made me reflect not only on my child's screen time but also on my own habits.

I am not saying that Smartphones are bad, in fact it has made our lives easier in countless ways. We use smartphones to communicate with our families, learn new things, access information, work, study, navigate unfamiliar places, and stay connected with people who live far away. It depends on how we use it and how our children use it.  

Jonathan Haidt discusses the relationship between the rise of the phone-based childhood and declining mental well-being among young people. As a mother, I found myself feeling guilty while reading the book. I started wondering whether I had already made mistakes by allowing my son to watch videos when I needed a few quiet moments to get ready or complete something.

But I also reminded myself that feeling guilty alone will not change anything.

It is never too late to start doing things differently. The best thing that we can give our children is the opportunities to experience childhood beyond screens. 

I want my son to have a play-based childhood rather than a phone-based childhood.

I want him to play with toys, explore his surroundings, interact with other children, use his imagination, get bored sometimes, and find his own ways to entertain himself.

I have even committed myself to buying more toys and creating opportunities for him to play independently rather than relying on a screen whenever I need to get something done. Having said these, toys are not the only thing that can make a play-based childhood, our children need interaction, attention, play exploration, and opportunities to experience the real world wrong. And perhaps most importantly, they need adults who are willing to make these changes together.

Another thing I learned from The Anxious Generation is that it did not simply make me think about society in general. It made me look at my own family and my own choices.

I finished the book with many questions, but also with a stronger sense of responsibility as a mother.

I do not expect myself to become a perfect parent overnight. I know that avoiding screens completely may not always be realistic, and I also understand that screens are going to remain a part of my child's life. But I can make better choices about how and when screens become part of his childhood.

For me, this book was an eye-opener. It reminded me that childhood passes quickly, and the experiences we give our children during those early years matter.

Children deserve opportunities to play, explore, imagine, communicate, make friends, experience nature, and simply be children.

While the virtual world will always be there, our children will not be children forever. 

And as a mother, I want to do my best to give my son more of the real world before the virtual world becomes a major part of his life.

Together, we can make it happen, it is time to act now.